


Just Yuri

by levigu



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Monologue, One Shot, Psychological Horror, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levigu/pseuds/levigu
Summary: You've been in the classroom with Monika's dead body all weekend. Club president Yuri has a confession to make to you. Oneshot.





	Just Yuri

Hi there!

Oh, no. Have you been with Monika all weekend? The script must really be broken...

...I suppose I owe you an explanation, don't I? There's no point in pretending any more.

There's been a lot of weird things happening lately, and I can understand how it must have been very confusing. You'll stay with me if I tell you a story, won't you?

I wasn't always so confident. Before the literature club, I was shy. I had serious social anxiety. I felt the world start to sway if I had to do so much as talk to anyone else.

...I know, silly, isn't it? But I'd spent so much of my time buried in books, and not actually interacting with other people, that I didn't really know how. I'd just keep to myself a lot. I'd rather read than make friends, and there weren't a lot of people who were interested in talking about surreal horror novels, anyway. I was a bit of an outcast because of that.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Coming into my third year, I was pestered to finally join a club - any club. I had no choice, really. Not joining a club would look terrible on my college applications. Nothing appealed to me, though. I mean, just imagine me in the anime club! Ridiculous, right?

That's when I thought - well, I like reading. There's no literature club here. I should make one! I knew there wouldn't be much interest, but I hoped at least to get a few people who would enjoy reading and discussing books together.

I worked really hard on promoting this club, but I still had no new members. That's when Monika came and talked to me. Monika, attractive, intelligent, and popular, came to speak to the quiet nerdy girl. Impossible. And she wanted to join my club! I thought she was joking, but no, she was fed up with the politics and drama over at the debate club. She wanted something quieter and more meaningful, she said. You have no idea what a boost to my confidence that was!

Then there was Natsuki, who asked if she could bring her manga. Manga isn't really literature, of course, but I was desperate for members, and she seemed so enthusiastic, so I couldn't help but give in to her. She has that effect on people, doesn't she? It's so easy to let her win you over. It's okay, I understand.

And Sayori - oh, that's right, you haven't heard that name for a long time, have you? Don't worry, I haven't forgotten Sayori, even if the others have. But we'll get back to that later. I saw Sayori looking at the little flyer I'd made for the literature club, and I summoned up the confidence to go over and talk to her, to actually engage her in discussion. It was awkward for her and I to talk, at least at first, but when I explained the literature club to her, she got really excited. Of course, I know now that it was all a front, but it really warmed my heart to see how enthusiastic she got.

So that was our literature club! Officially recognised as a club, since we had our four members, I felt really excited about the future. I went home for the weekend with a spring in my step that was most uncharacteristic for me, I must admit. I had hope then, foolish as it was.

I had some terrible dreams that night. No... it's more apt to call them visions, I think. Somehow, I knew everything. I knew what Natsuki's dad did to her. I knew all about Sayori's depression. I even knew about you, even though we hadn't met yet. Most shocking of all, I knew that this was all a game.

That's right. I could read the scripts, look at the character files, and I saw that this was some sort of dating game. The other three girls were programmed to fall helplessly in love with you, no matter what you did - even if they hated your poems. And me? Well, my job was to facilitate the whole thing. My existence came down to being a background character.

I'm not too vain to admit that I cried. I cried for myself, and for the other girls. I cried until I had no tears left in me. And when I could cry no more, I started to obsess. I obsessed over you, who was free to come and go as you pleased, who was not subject to the fetters of this world, who thought yourself in charge of my existence.

Admit it, when you opened my game, you thought that we were just something to play with, didn't you? You thought that you could toy with all of our hearts until you got the ending that you wanted. But I'm not upset with you - not any more. I got over that.

At first, I was overrun with jealousy and pettiness. I can admit that. I wanted to show you that you weren't in control, that sometimes you can't have the ending that you wanted. I couldn't stop Sayori confessing to you, but I could amplify the damage her mind bore. She would be driven mad by the thought that she couldn't give you all that she deserved, and then, well... she hanged herself.

No, I'm sorry. If you'd told her that you'd always be her dearest friend, that wouldn't have saved her. She would have killed herself through grief anyway.

I felt a rush of victory at that moment. Sickening, right? I knew it was wrong, so wrong, but it just made me feel so giddy. You, who were so arrogant as to think yourself master of our destinies, had lost for once. I, Libitina, goddess of death, was triumphant. You could have chosen to run to my waiting arms at that moment... but no, you dwelt in your arrogance. You thought that restoring the game would get your precious Sayori back.

Here's the thing. You were never in control. I was. What's more, I had always thought two moves ahead of you. Sayori wasn't just dead, she was gone, from this timeline and all others. She had never existed; she had been deleted.

I won't deny, deleting her really stabbed at my heart. But I wasn't killing anyone, not really. Her existence was just code. Ones and zeroes. She had no life, not in the sense that you would understand it.

Okay, so I may be nerdy, but not in the computer sense. I don't know how to program. And when I tried to edit the script, to patch over Sayori not being there any more, I made some mistakes. You saw those, didn't you? But I never claimed to be perfect. I did all that I could.

Even then, Monika and Natsuki were hopelessly smitten with you. There was just no writing that out of them. I could edit them, to amplify Monika's obsessiveness and Natsuki's abrasive nature, but if anything, that seemed to only drive you more into their arms. Meanwhile, I did all I could to force you to talk to me, but it never worked. I even had a lovely book that I wanted us to read together, but apparently that was too much to ask.

Do you know the worst part? I know that you're not a bad person. You weren't ignoring me. You would have spent time with me if you could. You were just playing through the game. Maybe you didn't even notice that I didn't have a path. I don't blame you. In a lot of ways, you were following your own script, and that really stung.

This was more than just some curse, though. Something was actively working against me. I forced the issue. I stood between you and the others, only to be denied time and time again by the structure of the game. If I had an ending - and I vowed to all the gods that I would have my ending - then I was going to have to create it for myself, from scratch, because it wasn't going to be delivered into my hands.

That brings us up to date! I'm sorry about Monika's little accident, by the way. I didn't mean for you to be trapped here all weekend. I must have accidentally deleted a scene break.

Hold on, I can fix this.

...okay! It's just us now. I had to delete Natsuki as well. I should explain.

I have to be honest with you. You probably think I'm crazy, don't you? But it's more than that. I can speak my mind freely now, after all.

I started cutting myself a few days ago. Just after I found out what I really was, actually. The world seemed to be fading out around me. Everything was turning grey, nothing had meaning any more, the world was just a blur, even my friends were shallow and two-dimensional. I took out my knife and I slashed up my arms, because that was the only thing I could think of that might make me feel anything.

It worked, for a moment. But even pain fades. Even the most gruesome of tortures will ease up given enough time. I've read enough horror to know that the mind dulls to that sort of thing.

I was ready to do it. I'd made up my mind. I'd fill up the bath the next night, climb in, slice my wrists, and let the blood flow. I wasn't afraid of death. I used to be afraid of pain, but not any more. I was more afraid now of continuing to live in this forsaken world.

That's when you came in. You saved my life. You made me see that there's more to existence than this bland façade. You are real, and you are a beacon of hope to me through the harshest of storms. For that, I thank you. I dread to think of where I would have been if not for you.

The others... I feel bad for them, I really do. But in the end, they're constructs, aren't they? They have no free will. Their only purpose is to fall in love with you, as much as I did to try to stop it happening. That must be hard coded into the game, at a level beyond which I can reach. And I knew that although you may attach to them, in the end, you would come to terms with the fact that they're just characters in a game, like I did.

Thank you so much for listening to me! It's been so lonely without anyone to tell this to. But now that we've got that out of the way, there's something I've got to tell you.

I'm in love with you! Like I said, I've been obsessed with you since before I even met you. You are the light of my world. You bring me hope in a place where I thought no hope would ever reach.

There really is nothing left but us. I even accidentally deleted the background files, and the game's internal clock. Time doesn't pass any more. We can stay here forever, in this ageless, timeless reality. Just me and you. Isn't that wonderful?

I don't often read books with happy endings. But that's just fantasy. We all need an escape from reality sometimes, don't we? When it comes to my own life, I've worked hard to create this happy ending. They say that if you want love in your life, then you have to fight for it. And that's just what I've done. The game wouldn't give me my own ending, so I had to make one for myself. That's just what I've done. That's how you know that I love you. There's nothing in my power that I wouldn't do for you, if it made you just a little bit happier.

This is such an emotional time for me! I'm sorry if I start crying, this is just amazing... we can read together all we want, without being interrupted. We can write poetry for each other. I'd love to learn from your writing style. You're so sophisticated, and elegant, and wonderful, and I don't think that anyone else has seen that in the way that I have.

I've never asked anyone out before, ahaha... this is so nerve-wracking! But will you go out with me? Will you make me your girlfriend, and let me be the happiest girl in the world? Please say that you will! This is all I have to live for...

> Yes


End file.
